I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
