yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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