Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Randomize
