i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sober January is a disaster.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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