new low.... made out with someone while peeing
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
