I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
