Please, let me fuck your mom
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
