all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
