I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
How does one acquire holy water?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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