so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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