There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
