the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
