hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
