what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
