I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
