Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
