If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
