I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
