..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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