I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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