That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
