i don't like sucking hair
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
