I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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