he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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