The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
