Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
