Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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