do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is Oprah even human
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
