I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
