Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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