I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
