Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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