I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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