the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
