think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i've created a new STD.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
