Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
