If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
