so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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