You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
