you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
