at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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