im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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