Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
