okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
