Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
