sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am naked and annoyed.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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