I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
