Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
