Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
