Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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