Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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