So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
