3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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