Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
