Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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