going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
