none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
