im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
