Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Congratulations! We have a period
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize