what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize