I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize