he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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