I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
