So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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