is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
