I just cut my nipple shaving
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
