New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
