Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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