I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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