Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
