I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The Olympian is in my bed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
