whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
