I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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