Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
